Journal Drawings
My Story
*WARNING:* Contains graphic depictions and descriptions of torture. Please use caution.
I was born into a cult practicing a ritualized and sadistic form of pedophilia. Along with profiting from child pornography and prostitution, the group also had connections to people involved with government medical and behavioral experimentation programs. Many cult children were used as subjects in these programs.
From earliest memory I was subjected to unspeakable acts of torture. It occurred within private settings, such as cult gatherings, and at research facilities during experimentation sessions. The torture included: food, water, sleep, and sensory deprivation; confinement; multiple sexual assaults; electroshock; burials; and other near-death experiences. I was also forced to witness and participate in acts of violence and cruelty.
My responses to the brutality, such as dissociative reactions including amnesia, were intentionally manipulated. This manipulation is called trauma-based mind Control. The intent was to ensure that I would remain loyal to the cult and unaware of government use and experimentation. The people who subjected me to this process knew exactly what they were doing. Despite years of therapy, it was not until my late thirties when I began to discover the other side of my life.
Trauma-based mind control is the deliberate infliction of trauma to produce dissociative reactions and the subsequent manipulation of those reactions. It is the deliberate creation of multiple personality systems that are vulnerable to control. The goal of cults and other mind control perpetrators is to supplant the victim's original personality with trained, perpetrator-loyal alters. Quoted from a high ranking program doctor: "We do not break her will, we make her will our will."
To learn more about the connections between occult groups and government mind control programs, go to info and links. To learn a few specifics about programming, or how alter systems are trained, view my journal drawings to the left.
Where I am Today
I am recovering from these experiences through a process of re-establishing contact with the previously inaccessible parts of myself who hold the memories. Thanks to the help of wonderful caregivers, I am making good progress. Everyday I have increasing control over my alter system and more reliable access to my intrinsic abilities. I paint, write and speak out on these subjects whenever I can.